Re-united with my blow-up roo

Before I get into my most recent, whacky sighting on the slopes you have to hear the back story first.

I went to Germany last June/July with the lovely Shell and Ray for the World Cup which I must add was one of the best and biggest experiences of my life. But there was also a fourth companion on our trip, my blow-up kangaroo. I bought him for a small fortune in Clapham Fancy Dress in London and he came to all games with us, sat in our room and literally had as much fun as we did. I wish I had the many photos of him eating a Big Mac on a midnight Maccas run, rolling down the main strasse of Munich in a shopping trolley and sitting on the tram going to the Croatia vs. Australia Game with some Croatian fans. This roo got around and I got rather attached to him. Might I add that a picture of roo and I made it in the London Times newspaper and the Sydney Morning Herald all the way back home. We were quite the pair!

Now at the Croatia vs. Australia game I had my roo with me and in all of the excitement of making it through to the next round roo, and yes I am ashamed of this part, was thrown in the air and got swallowed up by the revelling crowd. I couldn’t find him anywhere. It dampened the celebrations for a few seconds but I knew I would fin him – he wouldn’t abandon me now, not after all we had been through.

And yes, I did find him but it wasn’t a happy ending. Roo was deflated (literally) and crushed under a seat. I spotted him when I was leaving and had to look away, he was a World Cup casualty, he was road kill on the side of the celebratory highway.

So, imagine my surprise when I was standing on the slopes in Australia, doing a piece to camera for my TV snow report and something caught out of the corner of my eye. “Could that be my roo skiing towards me?!” The answer was yes. I have the picture to prove it. It was a grand re-union and just goes to prove that ‘happily ever after’ stories do happen every day.

THE END.

Simone x

Hideously Hot

Saturday night was the Viva Glam Party at the Lake Jindabyne Hotel. It was meant to be a fundraiser and although I am sure they raised a substantial amount of money for the up and coming winter athletes, the focus of the night was solely on what everyone was wearing.

As you can see from the pic, my wingman Miss Fifi aimed to look hideously hot – and that we did. Think the love child of Cindy Lauper in all her 80s flouro glory and the soccer mum from hell with a fetish for parachute material tracksuits and you have our outfits down to a tee. The theme was glamorous outrageous but I think we got too caught up in the outrageous factor. I have never worn a one piece ski suit before and I hope I never have to – those things are a nightmare to get off to go to the toilet! Thank goodness I had to work the next morning at 8am and couldn’t drink (yes, sadly I don’t have to be blind drunk to dress and dance like an idiot!).

My little secret was I wore my one piece inside out – it was hot pink inside and looked so much

better then the gross green and purple design on the inside. I thought I was so clever until someone pointed out I forgot to cut the tag off the back – ha ha! I got dared to reverse it halfway through the night and reveal my secret identity but I got too carried away and forgot. Plus, it would have taken about 20 minutes to squeeze in and out of again! However, I did find a receipt in the pocket. I checked the date and this hot little number was last worn at perisher Blue in 1996 – 1996! Someone actually wore this 11 years ago!

It was such a fun night. So many people went to a huge effort. Standouts were Super Mario, and the Evil Cannevil twins. The DJ played some quality 80s disco all night and I think I burnt a hole in the bottom of my green Converse chuck tailors from all the running man moves I did.

So the million dollar question, did anyone touch the one piece? No, no they didn’t’. But in the ‘touch the one piece game’ I wrote about last time, I must have received a big bonus of 10 points for wearing one! That should bring my tally to about 12.

Have a good one and do what I say, not what I do!

Simone

Bottoms Up

Being Sunday morning I thought I would take this chance to discuss one of the many great traditions in the mountains… shotting a few schnapps after a big day on the slopes to warm the soul and loosen up the dancing feet. I am well versed in this practice now after 2 months in the snowies!

The après ski venue is your call and the type of schnapps is completely up to your taste buds but the way you knock it back is non-optional. There’s only one way to shot it in the mountains - the little finger must hold the base of the shot glass and the thumb must rest on the rim.

I have done my research and legend has it that once upon a time, schnapps was drunk out of a ceramic shot-glass and passed around. By holding the shot glass in this way your lips don’t actually touch the glass therefore making it a much more hygienic communal drinking exercise. Ahmen for that.

So what makes schnapps the drink of choice on the slopes? You can’t grow grapes on the mountains due to the cold climate and altitude but you can grow fruit for schnapps. Simple as that.
Now there’s also one more rule before knocking back a shot, you must lock eyes with the people you cheers with otherwise, rumour has it, you’ll have bad luck. I was told it was because you will have bad sex for the rest of your life but this has since been ridiculed when I (rather sheepishly) asked around. So drinking schnapps might seem like a lot to remember but you can’t fight tradition… bottoms up!

Sim x

The Blizzard Wizard – too funny!

OK, so it is really touch work being a snow reporter. Apart from starting work at 5.30am and being on radio at 6am and on national TV live at 6.45am some days, you are also responsible for relying important information to would be skiers and boarders. So it is a hugely fun job as well and I wouldn’t swap places with anyone, we do cop some flack from the public and other resort colleagues who claim that we ‘lie, stretch the truth and must be blind!’.

Part of the job description included, must be able to ski, have media experience and be extremely thick-skinned! We can be standing outside in the freezing snow and have people hurl abuse at us as they ski by – really nice. But the best line I heard and one I actually use myself now is, this…

“Why does a snow reporter make a good girlfriend? She thinks 5cm is 15cm!” Insert canned laughter here. So basically, any joke about weather reporters you've got... chances are I have heard it all before.

The other day, however, there was a blizzard and I came up with what I thought was a terribly creative line which I later used on national TV. Ready for it? “The blizzard wizard has cast a snowy spell over the mountain today.” It really reeks of cheese, I know that but it sounded like pure gold. However, my ever cheerful and funny colleagues haven’t let me live this one down and in fact, my nickname is now the blizwiz which has lead to the attached picture being mocked up with one of the guys who had far too much time on his hands! I think it’s hilarious, even if it looks like I have just kissed a toad. So the moral of today’s story – always look for the humour in every comment and situation and then vent and whinge later on. Thanks for reading as I blow up off steam for today!

Ciao x

Touch the one piece

Since my last entry on fashion on the slopes I have been reminded of a fabulous phenomenon that has been sweeping Europe before even the St Bernard's took to the slopes with their barrell of life saving rum around their necks - touch the one piece.

A one piece is the hideous attire on the slope which passes on anyone under 10 but anyone else should be shot or at least forced to stare in a full length mirror to endure what everyone else must - every bulge and roll on their body one dsiplay to the world. Let's just say it is not pretty unless you have the figure of a Greek goddess.

One pieces were rife in the 80s (yes, yet another hideous fashion item from the 80s) and for this very reason are often fluoro coloured. The other day I spotted some poor 10+ year old wearing a fluoro orange jumpsuited one piece - when she sees these pictures at her 21st she will hate her mother!

Sorry I got a little side-tracked in my hatred for the one piece - back to the game. Touch the one piece is as it sounds, you must try and touch a one piece worn by someone without them knowing. You get one point for each stealth touch or two if you have enough guts to tell the person, therefore pointing out how hideously out of date their attire is! I first played this game in Switzerland and it was a lot of fun. At the end of our week I think I got five touches, mostly scored during drunken apres ski sessions.

I have now passed this wonderful tradition on to my work colleagues here and we have started the tally. We will be here for another four months so you can only hope we will be in double, if not triple figures. Stay tuned for the results at the end of the season we I endeavour to 'touch the one piece'.

So let that be a warning to those of you considering to dust of the olds one piece to wear on the slopes - I will be lurking behind you ready to score some points!

Simone x

Fashion on the slopes - taste optional!

As all seasoned skiers and boarders will tell you, it’s function over fashion on the slopes. Well, let’s face it. It’s cold, often wet and sometimes windy so it’s much better to remain dry and warm then soggy and frozen. But you also have to look OK. Actually, make that 'damn good' as fashion on the slopes has become a big thing as we now ride AND dress to impress.

It appears that this season patterns are in. You see riders (especially boarders) in tartan and striped matching, oversized jackets and pants but if you ask me they look like they would be better worn to bed as pyjamies then on the slopes.

Otherwise, it’s bright colours. Salmon and bright green are in this season – bold colours you can spot hurtling down the slopes a million miles an hour. Fur trimming seems to be in again, but as long as it’s faux, that is. No Zsa Zsa mink stoles ‘Paleeeas sweeties.’

The biggest, all time fashion faux pax has to be the one piece suit. Sure, the function over fashion debate might break out over this one again but really, it just plain and simply looks bad on anyone over the age of 10. The imagination is a wonderful thing!

Some big no nos that I have spotted on the slopes lately include tight lycra leggings tucked into ski boots and… jeans. Yes, jeans. The most restrictive and moisture holding fabric on the planet and I am not talking about ski pants designed to look like denim, I am talking your Levi 501s, stone washed! But the all time, take the cake and eat it to award goes to the gentlemen in the picture I have posted. He wore a (let’s cringe together here), tie-dyed ONE PIECE with a novelty Mad Hatter’s foam top hat! I must have bumped into this guy a handful of times over the past week and although I have to give him credit for having the guts to wear this ensemble day after day, some things should remain buried at the back of the cupboard!

Simone x